


pink lemonade

by malignance



Category: 15& (Band), GOT7
Genre: Angst, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-04
Updated: 2018-08-04
Packaged: 2019-06-21 20:09:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,575
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15565488
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/malignance/pseuds/malignance
Summary: karma has a funny way of getting you back.





	pink lemonade

she reminds him of summertime.

her laughter hits like a heatwave, makes it hard for him to breathe, melts him to his core.

and sometimes, when he looks at her and the sunlight hits her just right, she shines. 

but that warmth, that delight that she seemed to radiate, was something he could never seem to reach.

"daydreaming?"

jaebum's reverie shatters into small pieces with the arrival of jinyoung's voice.

"something like that."

jinyoung frowns ever so slightly at the glossed look on jaebum's face, at how distant he sounds.

but this, of course, were all things he's gotten used to by now.

"the first lecture's over already. are you planning on spending the next one up here as well?"

jaebum hums, saying neither yes nor no.

he hears sighing from his left, then the sound of clothes crinkling, and finally the sound of footsteps getting further and further away.

it was fine like this, it was always like this.

going to class was too boring anyway.

it's not like he had any classes with her, so what was the point?

he would spend the rest of his life on this rooftop, just thinking about her, writing sappy poetry for her in his head, if he could.

but he can't, not really, not all the time.

he had things to do, places to go, people to see.

and she, she wasn't exactly his to think about.

his thoughts start to take a bitter turn, so he sits up with a grunt, forces his eyes open, and finally makes his way down.

if his teacher had something to say about it, well, it'll just be one more thing jaebum doesn't hear.

"hyung, what do you do on the roof all day?"

yugyeom, who comes to talk to jinyoung almost every day, looks to jaebum for the first time in a while and asks a question he's no doubt been thinking about since the first day they met.

"hm? think about ... things ... i guess."

yugyeom clearly wants to ask more, but jaebum knows just how to close himself off to questions like that.

jinyoung snorts.

"more like one thing, one very solid, very pretty, thing."

jaebum glares at jinyoung, but the look doesn't do much harm. 

jinyoung merely shrugs in response.

as the two best friends start to bicker back and forth between each other, yugyeom tries to make sense of what jinyoung had said. something solid? something pretty? just what exactly does jaebum think about when he's up on the rooftop?

"if only you would just talk to her, instead of sitting around imagining what it would be like to talk to her."

_oh, they're talking about a girl._

"it's not that easy."

_it isn't?_

"i'm pretty sure it is. you're just making it unnecessarily hard on yourself by thinking you have some stupid reputation to live up to."

_reputation?_

"that's not it. that's not all of it."

_it's not?_

"then what else is there?"

_what else is there?_

"i broke her heart once before."

jinyoung falls silent after that.

yugyeom stops wondering.

jaebum shuts his eyes.

he doesn't want to think now, what with the sour taste in his mouth, but he does anyway.

he never really stops.

his mind travels back a few years, to when he was just fifteen.

young, impressionable, stupid.

she was twelve, but even then she was so bright.

they'd spent quite a bit of time together back then.

she would follow him around, ask him to read to her, play with her, sing to her.

he had always complied, a smile on his face.

but he was walking home with his friends one day, other fifteen year olds, other boys who were just like him.

she had run up to him, yelling "oppa! oppa!" and smiling.

he suddenly felt shy, embarrassed, with his friends' eyes on him.

"i'm walking home with my friends today. you go play by yourself."

she didn't seem to understand.

"but why? you always play with me after school? why can't we just all play together?"

his friends laugh then, a horrible, mocking laugh.

she still didn't understand.

"not today, okay? just go."

they were whispering now, even though he could hear everything, saying things about how they pitied him for having to hang around a snot nosed girl like that for so long.

he didn't agree, he wanted to tell them they were wrong, that she wasn't like that, that he actually had fun when he was with her.

but he stayed quiet, kept those words to himself.

"but why not? i love jaebum oppa, don't you love me too?"

hearing the word love pass from her lips so easily shocked him for a moment.

the laughing started back up again, and his cheeks started to colour.

"no, i don't. so just go play by yourself, i have to go."

and then he leaves, turns and walks away and doesn't look back.

his friends follow suit, and though he feels dread start to weigh down on him, still he doesn't turn back around.

when he had gotten home that day, he told himself the next morning to apologise to her whenever he would see her next.

but he never did.

he finds out too late that her family was moving, somewhere far, for a long time.

maybe that was why she had insisted on spending time with him the day before.

the guilt ends up staying for quite a while.

all throughout high school, to the first year of college, to his second, to his last.

and then she suddenly appears before him, again.

the guilt, the dread, all surges back up again as he meets her eyes.

she stands across the field, like a vision of a distant past, smiling.

she's beautiful.

and that makes it all the harder.

he thinks maybe it'll be fine, if he just walks up to her and apologises for what he had said all those years ago.

but would she forgive him? would it even matter now? does she even remember?

so he keeps his distance.

but watches her everyday, listens for her voice, searches for her eyes.

and so his last year passes by like that, every waking moment filled with her.

"is it okay not to talk to her? after today you probably wont see her again."

jaebum looks to jinyoung, and smiles, something gray and bitter.

"it's fine."

his eyes go back to her, they always do.

she's laughing, talking to one of the other graduates, unaware.

a boy emerges from somewhere, jaebum doesn't know, he wasn't paying attention.

but then the boy wraps an arm around her shoulder, and that arm then moves to her waist, and now his hand was at her hip.

jaebum clenches his jaw.

the boy laughs easily with her, smiles with her, glows, just like she does.

he turns, unable to stomach the view.

maybe this was the price he had to pay for what he had said to her back then.

he had broken her heart, now she had broken his.

it's almost funny.

"hey, behind you."

jinyoung points somewhere to his back, and jaebum turns around again.

he's hit by the scent of roses first.

then he's hit by something else entirely.

"jaebum oppa."

he loses feeling in his legs for a moment, whether that was because she was calling his name out or because of the shock he wasn't sure.

either way, she was here, standing in front of him, talking to him, smiling at him.

he wonders if this meant she had noticed.

noticed all the time he had been watching, listening.

he hopes it's not the case.

"jimin-ah, it's been a while."

she laughs softly.

"yeah. you're graduating today, congratulations."

he smiles.

jinyoung seems surprised.

maybe jaebum hasn't smiled in a long time, not properly.

"thank you. i guess we won't be seeing each other for a while again."

jimin nods, regretful.

jaebum feels a pain in his chest.

"i guess so. still, it was nice to see you again after so long."

jaebum is suddenly filled with the sensation of longing, even though she's right here in front of him, still, he longs for her.

"yeah. it's good we could catch up a little before i have to go."

_i love you, i don't want to go._

"i kind of wish i had the courage to come up to earlier, but to be honest i was a little scared."

_i love you, i don't want to go._

"scared?"

_i love you, i don't want to go._

"yeah, i wasn't sure what to say, and i was worried it might be a bit awkward."

_i love you, i don't want to go._

"ah, i see."

_i love you, i don't want to go._

"yeah."

_i love you, i don't want to go._

"i love you, i don't want to go."

there's a sharp intake of breath, jaebum's not sure who it comes from though.

he hadn't meant to say that out loud.

jimin smiles, but this time something a little pained, something sorry.

jaebum hates it, hates this, hates himself.

"i'm sorry-"

"i know."

"i don't-"

"i know."

"i loved you once, but i don't think i could ever love you again."

"i know."

"i ... i love someone else now."

_i know._

"... goodbye, oppa. good luck with everything."

jaebum graduates that day with the right papers, the best degrees, but half a heart.

 


End file.
